Distance Is Darkness

So I totally missed yesterday's post. I didn't get in till later and then I just... didn't do it. So this first part is for yesterday.

Wednesday 18th August

So the most important thing to say about this day is that is was Alice's birthday. I didn't see her, because she lives in Lanky-Lancaster (for tall people only) or elsewhere that is not here when she's not at Uni. But but but.... she's amazing and fantastic and has reached the ripe ol' age of 20 without achieving the loser's prize of death. (The winners get life. She's winning. She rolls a 6 every time) HUZZAH!!

Oh, you want to meet her? Sure you do, she's ace as a face in a place.

Sexy, eh?

She's actually much more attractive than this, I swear. She's a right hottie ;)

I mean, who DOESN'T want to know a girl that can do THIS:

Ooft! ;)

So, Wednesday... what did I do on Wednesday? 

OH YEAH.... Jane came! 

I was like a child on Christmas morning when I saw her. Leapt on her and kissed her all over her face. I was so excited, I bit her forehead XD

I've known Jane since these days. The goth days. Hilarious:

Weren't we sexy? 

Meet 16 year old me :D

And NOW look at her!

Least gothic person. EVER.

Except she still bums good music. 

"Deadbodyfuckdeadbodyfuck!"

Which is a song you should listen to, for pure comedy value.
Profanation- Dead Body Fuck (YouTube)

 Man, I miss my death metal days... :')

Aaaaaanyway, so Jane came through to our shitty town and we went for lunch. I had this chicken, mushroom & onion pizza. Which was AMAZING. Except, I hate mushrooms. Probably should have asked for it without those... anyway, after I'd picked them off... it was AMAZING :D

And tirimasu. Mmmm. Fucking tirimasu. I love it. I mean, LOOK at that shit!

fuckyeahtirimasu

So yeah, there was love and food and wonder. Jane and I tried to read the menus with one hand cos we were holding hands with the others. We wanted to be that super lame couple you see who eat with one hand too.... but it was going to be too messy. We couldn't commit.

Oh oh, and when we went back to Jenny's, we gave Jane her signed photo from Killswitch Engage. Howard even wrote 'I <3 Jane' on it.

She shit a brick.

I kid you not, she actually almost pissed herself. It was fucking incredible. I've never seen such joy on her face.... outside the bedroom.

I keed, I keed... I've never boned Jane. We planned to once, but it didn't really work out. Never say never though. Get enough drink in us and we'd get married in Vegas and adopt a one-legged puppy.

Jenny and I played Trivs, and gave up at three cheeses each. 

I now realise how little sense that makes if you don't know what Trivs is...

I'm not explaining.

AND, I introduced her to 'Mantracker'. That shit's amazing. Everyone should watch it. 

Basically, there's these two random people, and they're given a map and compass. Then they have to get from one place to another, in whatever route they like.

Sounds simple, yes?

But ohhhh no. They have to get there without being caught by Terry Grant- MANTRACKER!

He's like this expert tracker, and he basically hunts them down. It's amazing. They're all like shitting themselves and running llike fuck through the trees to try and escape. But wouldn't you run from this

I know what you're thinking: 'I wouldn't run from him, he's dead sexy'. 

Yeah, he's a hottie alright. Ooft :P

Terry goes on a horse, and the 'prey' (yes they call them that) go on foot. They get a head start, and can run through forests he can't ride through. But I've never, EVER seen anyone win.

Oh, Canadian reailty TV :')

I hope this haunts you all.

He's fucking BADASS

So that was about it for Wednesday. Ready for today? (Technically yesterday, cos it's 00:41 right now, but whatever)

Thursday 19th August

'Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak. Thankyou'

 I'm listening to Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone on audiobook. Cos I'm cool like that.

And it IS 'Philosopher's Stone'. None of this 'Sorceror' shit. Bloody Americanised version.

It sickens me.

I do, however, LOVE some of the words in International versions.

Here are a few of my favourites. Each accompanied by one of the first pictures Google images throws up for them. Whether they're relevant or not XD

Sprängstjärtsskrabbor

(Blast-Ended Skrewts - Swedish)

 

Halálfaló

(Death Eater - Hungarian)

 Geheugensteen

(Remembrall - Dutch)

Ohhhhh, that last one made me laugh. LOTR/HP crossover gags FTW :D

And now, all the boring shit about my day.

I started 'Get fit and get rich' today. That's what I'm calling my plan for the year.

Cycled 2 miles to work with my backpack full of clean laundry for Bernard. And cycled 2 miles back with my backpack full of dirty laundry.

It. fucking. hurt.

I borrowed my Mum's bike, and I can safely say it is the least comfortable thing I've ever sat on. My arse is actually bruised. I feel like Hagrid had his way with my peachy behind.

LMAO, look at his 'come to bed' eyes. HOT

But seriously, my bum is in SERIOUS pain. I have actual, physical bruises you can see. I could take a photo and show you, but I ain't gonna flash the gash online. I'm too lovely for such things ^-^

But I'm feeling good about this (the plan, not the bruises... Or the gash-flashing). 

I'm gonna get fit so I can run more than 100 metres without dying.

That's the plan, anyway. We'll see.

So I think that's all I had to say today. I'll end on a jolly note. Final thought are thus: Why the fuck do wizards need glasses? Yes, most of my 'final thoughts' are Potter-related. Cos I listen to my audiobooks as I write, usually :) I'm a geek that way.

EDIT

OMFG can't believe I forgot this!!

Best thing you'll ever see, hands down.

And Angie's a fucking star.

She sent it to me

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- literal trailer

Peace out, yo.

Eve x

Waiting For November

Don't you just hate it when the nuclear reactor on your giant submarine is about to explode? Well all the folks in tonight's episode of 'The Deep' do. It was pretty sweet. Katherine's alive! :O

And now, because I know no-one knows what I'm on about, I'll move onto more important matters :D

See this? It's me.

Not actually me, cos I'm not called Dora. But see the girl with a backpack and a journey to go on? That's me. 

 

See this? This is what is at the end of my journey. 

Well, not this precisely, but something equally as shiny.

This shiny item of magnificence goes by the name of Angie, and doesn't give a fuck. 

This is how it's gonna go: 

Eve gets train to Manchester.

 Eve gets plane to Stockholm.

(Yes, that's my wonderful plane I drew on paint)

Eve and Angie eat ice-cream in winter.

And don't give a fuck.

So it was written. So shall it be done. Bitches.

Just you wait, it'll be the greatest tale of adventure you've ever heard. There'll be laughter and joy. And ice-cream. What more could you ask for from an adventure? Nothing, that's what.

And what else has happened with my day? - I hear you ask. WELL, I started work at Bernard's. It was... interesting.

I changed the bed, collected laundry, and recycled newspapers (over 200 of them, if you're wondering). I also washed up and cleaned in the kitchen. But is my work done?

HELL. NO.

It's like a crazy hoarder's nest up there. He refuses to throw anything away. But oddly, he's fine with you throwing it away for him. It's like... it's some kind of evil task, but he won't get cursed if he doesn't actually do it himself.

So there's rather a lot still to be done. Sigh.

Tomorrow though, TOMORROW, is a good day. My Wife, my bestie, the love of my life... Jane. She is here. In my shitty little town. Love will happen. Smiles will be had. I may smooch her a bit. Cos she's so magnificent.

Wanna meet her? Of course you do :)

Here we are. New Year's 08/09, this was. 

It was an awesome night. Home made cocktails and fun.

(And by 'home made cocktails', I mean... we mixed everything we could find and drank the shit)

She doesn't really look much like that any more. And neither do I, now that I think about it... but it's one of my favourite memories with her, so suck it.

The evening ended with us breaking a bed and all of us stealing Jane's clothes. 

That's how our parties go.

But I don't think anyone threw up or had sex in the garden, so it was fairly civilised for our lot :D

I think we ended up watching the porn channels at 4am or something though. 

Maybe not so civilised :P

I think I've rambled enough for today.  If you made it to the end, congratulations on surviving my mental minefield :)

My final thought is this: How the fuck do moon-pools in submarines work? You know where the mini-submersible docks inside the big submarine... well it's like a pool, INSIDE the submarine. A pool of the sea water from outside. But the room doesn't fill up. What the fuck?!

Eve x

Lexington (Joey Pea-Pot With A Monkey Face)

May the tirade of thoughts begin!

I hate hover mowers. I've said this earlier today on Twitter, but I feel it bears repeating. They don't fucking hover, you have to sort of lift as you shove, and those fuckers are HEAVY.

I hate when people can't format a fucking Word document properly. I mean, how hard is it to insert a new row in your table when you're talking about something new? Not very. I've never copied and pasted so much in my life than when I was fixing that fucker. 

Oh, I'm Eve by the way. You may or may not know me. If you don't, you soon will. 

I like cheese.

I like to bitch about things that piss me off.

I like to ramble about things that put me in a good mood.

I have opinions. They may change. Get over it. 

I fucking love Yorkshire Puddings. I had three with my dinnner today, and I was just like "Fuck yeah!"

I didn't have a beard though. Sadly. What a sexy fucker he is. Ooft.

I also love the word 'fuck'. I will use it all too often.

Oh, my Mum totally gave us Quorn today (that vegetarian meat substitute, for anyone not familiar with the brand name) and told us it was turkey. I was like "Why couldn't you have just told me it was Quorn? I'd have eaten it." Clearly she thinks I am a complete retard.

Also, the word 'Quorn'... is it just me, or is anyone else thinking it should be short for 'queer porn'? No? Just me then.

This is what you get when you Google 'Quorn = queer porn'. It amused me.

Ooh, AND... I'm starting my sort-of-a-job tomorrow. It's like, an inbetween before I get a more full-time job. My Mum's friend, her Dad needs a cleaner, so I'm gonna help out. Basically, he's not really got all his marbles, and I have to make sure he's remembered to eat, and do his laundry etc. Also, he like, refuses to throw anything away, so I have to do all that before he dies under a pile of old newspapers or something. But it's only like an hour and a half a day, so it's not really a proper job. Good pay though, considering how little time it is. I get like £10 an hour (which, for anyone not familiar with wages in the UK, is like twice minimum wage) so it's more per hour I'd be earning, but fewer hours than a full-time job, so less money overall. If you know what I mean.

Anyway, should be an adventure. Just me and batty old Bernard. And his cat.

He used to have two, but one got run over, and he's not really sure which one it was. So we just call it 'cat' :D 

That's about the closest I have to actual news today.

But I'm sure there's more random thoughts floating around in my brain.

I'll leave you with this one: In Harry Potter, do Witches wear bras? Cos, they're Muggle made (all the clasps and so on aren't very Wizardy at all) so you'd assume they wouldn't have them. Unless they were Muggle-born or half-blood. But like, Pure blood Witches, do they have a spell or something instead?

You'll be pleased to know that THESE are some of the pictures that come up when you Google "Do Witches wear bras?"

Lucy Hale, this is not a marvellous photo of you.... but fuck me, you are magnificent.

For all the excited Robsten lovers today. This came up too. But I fucking hate this photo. Everything about it is bad. They both look fucking stupid.

Thoughts on the bra matter (and any others discussed here) would be greatly appreciated :D

Fuckyou very much for reading my word-vomit. Eve x